The Pressure Trap Without The Burnout

You know those mornings when your daughter says, “I can’t do it, Mum. I just can’t go to … (school, college, work today” and you can see the panic in her eyes?

That’s not defiance. That’s not drama.

That’s her body in survival mode. 🚨

In this episode of The Teen Whisperer, I break down what’s really happening when pressure tips your daughter into overwhelm and why it’s biology, not bad behaviour. 

You’ll learn the simple reset tool that helps calm her nervous system, lowers stress, and gets her back online (and yes, it works for you too).

Because your daughter isn’t broken, she’s signalling for support. And together, you can find a way through the pressure without burning out.

Download my free 3 minute nervous system reset - simple tools to use in the moment (yes that moment) - when everything is going to pot and you don't know what the hell to do. It's simple, easy and ready to use right now.

A little heads up, I’ve opened the doors again to my WTF Membership and they’re open till 27th September 2025 at midnight BST. It’s my space for mums just like you, where we go deeper into understanding your daughter, decoding her signals, and giving you the support and tools you need so neither of you feels alone in this. Keep an ear out, because I’d love to welcome you inside.

And... if you're local to me (that's in Cumbria, UK) come and join me (and my daughter) for a monthly mums + daughters meet-up that starts at the end of this month. Free, fun, connection, coffee and cake — and a chance for both you and your girl to meet others who get it.

Like what you hear and wish your daughter had her own podcast to help understand what's going on? Send her to Girl You've Got This - my podcast just for girls, availabe on all major platforms.

Wanna talk? Book a FREE chat with me - sometimes it h...

Transcript

You know those mornings when your daughter says, “I can’t do it, Mum. I just can’t go to school/college/work today.”

And part of you wants to scream, “But you have to!” while another part is terrified — because you can see the panic in her eyes.

This isn’t defiance. It isn’t attitude.

It’s her body sending up a flare. 🚨

And today, we’re unpacking what that really means — and how you can help her.

Hi ya and welcome back to this podcast - The Teen Whisperer with me, Rach Friedli. I help mums of girls who are seen as too much, too sensitive, or struggling to fit in uncover what’s really behind their big emotions and challenging behaviour — so you can stop second guessing, feel confident again, and truly connect with your daughter.

You know the behaviours — door slams, eye rolls, or just the silent treatment that speaks volumes.

And listen, I’m a mum too, so I totally get it — especially when your daughter is suddenly living like a nocturnal Netflix gremlin and you’re wondering, “Is this normal, or are we spiralling?”

I’m not here to sugar-coat it. I know what it’s like to be in the thick of it — lying awake at 3am, wondering what you’ve done wrong, or if you’re losing your daughter bit by bit. I’ve been there.

That’s why I do this work. Because mums like you deserve someone in your corner telling the truth, not just another polished “expert” telling you to stay calm and drink more water.

So last week I talked  with Taiba Bajar about autism: from overwhelmed to empowered - one mum’s 7 steps to transform life at home. If you missed the episode, check it out now - it was episode 50. 

This week we’re continuing this month’s theme - school stress and safety and today’s episode is all about educational pressure without emotional burnout — and how to reset the basics: sleep, screens, nutrition, movement, and mood.

Because here’s the truth: so many of the struggles you’re seeing right now aren’t “attitude problems.”

They’re body and brain signals that she’s dysregulated — and she needs a reset.

⸻

[The Gritty Truth – Scene Setting + Research]

Here’s what we know:

• In The Girls’ Index, 79% of girls say they feel so much pressure they could explode.

• The BeeWell study found girls are three times more likely than boys to report serious emotional struggles — and nearly half aren’t getting enough sleep.

• And the UN has flagged that two-thirds of girls feel overwhelmed by schoolwork — a massive rise from just a few years ago.

And when I read the BMC Women’s Health study, it floored me.

Girls themselves said they feel like anxiety and low mood are “normal” for their generation. Not the exception — the expectation.

They named it straight:

• 🚺 Gender expectations: Be perfect, polite, pretty.

• 📚 Academic pressures: Be flawless, no mistakes allowed.

• 👯 Peer relationships: Full of competition, comparison, and conflict.

• 📱 Social media: A constant reminder of where you’re not enough.

And here’s the kicker: it’s not just our girls who are crumbling.

Teachers are bowing out from the pressure. Girls are bending under it. The system itself is cracked.

Education needs a massive overhaul. But here’s the thing — that’s not in my remit, and it’s not in yours either.

What is in our hands is how we, as mums, approach this pressure.

How we show our girls that their worth isn’t about being a stereotypical Ofsted achiever.

How we support them to become the best, most resilient, most connected version of themselves.

So if your daughter is struggling? It’s not because you’ve failed.

It’s because she’s swimming in pressure that even adults would crumble under.

Here’s what’s really going on.

When your daughter is under stress — whether that’s exams, friendship drama, or just the never-ending scroll of social media — her body flips into survival mode: fight, flight, freeze, fawn.

Her heart races. Her breathing gets shallow. Her prefrontal cortex — the part of the brain that does rational decision-making — literally goes offline. And remember, it’s still developing until her mid-20s.

Add in hormones — cortisol pumping when she’s stressed, melatonin delayed by late-night screens, dopamine spiking and crashing with social media — and suddenly, the girl who “won’t” focus on homework is actually the girl who can’t.

This isn’t weakness. This is biology.

And listen, if you’re hearing this and thinking, ‘Wow, I wish my daughter could hear some of this in a way that makes sense for her,’ I’ve got you. I actually host another podcast called Girl, You’ve Got This. It’s just for girls — where I talk to them directly, in their language, about what’s going on inside their heads and bodies, and how to handle it without feeling like they’re the only one struggling. So if you think she’d benefit, point her there. Let me be the one to say what she might not want to hear from you.

So what do we do?

This week, we’re keeping it simple: breath as the reset button.

Breath is your daughter’s emotional steering wheel. When she slows it down, her nervous system gets the signal: We’re safe. We’ve got this.

And yes, I hear you shouting loud in my ear — “breathwork, you have to be joking! She won’t do breathwork with me…” Ahh, but if you introduce it in a playful way, she’ll connect better. Sit on a yoga ball, outside on the grass, or even stand in a river — be different and she’ll tune into what you’re doing, not the words.

Here’s one you can try together — I call it Simple Breathwork for Busy Brains. Because once you understand how our breath affects you, you can help yourself in the moment. And yes — it really is as simple as it sounds:

• Place one hand on your chest and one on the mid part of your rib cage where the two sides connect

• Breathe in and out through your nose, feeling your hands rise as you breathe in and lower as you breathe out

• Do this for 3 breaths

• Now repeat breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth ×3

Easy, eh? Yup, no counting, no holding your breath — just breathing, the proper way.

Brilliant — here’s the tighter version with that everyday metaphor baked in:

So why does it work?

Because breath is biology in action.

• Most of us breathe too shallow — which keeps the body stuck in stress mode.

• Deep belly breaths flip the vagus nerve on, and that tells the brain: we’re safe.

• Just one minute of slower breathing can drop cortisol, clear your head, and get your focus back.

Think of it like this: breath is your daughter’s Wi-Fi reset button. When the signal’s scrambled, everything glitches. A few proper breaths? It’s like hitting reset — suddenly, her system reconnects and works again.

That’s why I call it her emotional steering wheel. Breath is the quickest way out of survival mode and back into calm.

Your challenge this week: do this simple reset once a day - yup that’s it.

Make it simple. Make it doable. This isn’t about perfection — it’s about connection.

Because here’s the truth: your daughter isn’t broken. She doesn’t need fixing.

Her anxiety, her stress, her overwhelm — they’re messages.

Messages from her body saying: “I need support. I need rest. I need connection.”

And when we respond to those messages — without shame, without blame — everything shifts.

So here’s what I want you to remember:

Teachers are bowing out. Girls are bending. The system? It’s creaking under its own weight — and waiting for reform won’t save our daughters.

But here’s the thing: change starts at home.

Not with yet more pressure — but with connection, regulation, and showing her that her worth isn’t tied to grades.

Because while the system is slow to change, you can show her — right now — what it looks like to survive pressure without burning out.

That’s not just parenting. That’s leadership.

If this landed with you, hit subscribe so you don’t miss the next episode. Share it with another mum who’s wondering if she’s failing — because she needs to hear this too.

And don’t forget to grab my free Quick Reset tool. It’s there for the moments when the pressure is spilling over and you both need a lifeline.

✨ Mic drop line: “Anxiety isn’t your daughter failing — it’s her body protecting her. The reset starts there.”

Take care and have a wonderful week and if you ever want to reach out, connect with me a la podcast…